Dirty Tears
by pillowwolfpup
Summary: Lily is all alone. Her past is a mystery. She doesn't no anyone. Her stepdad rapes and abuses her. She meets Sirius, but he seems familiar. WARNING very graphic. Don't like it too bad.
1. Chapter 1 How It All Began

Lily Evans was seven years old and in great pain. She laid one her bed trying not to move her bruised and battered body. Her abusive mother had thrown her against the wall in one of her fits just a few hours ago. Her mom's recent boyfriend left her and her mom blamed it on her. Her step father, John, had divorced her mother and took her sister with him when he left. No one really knew Lily or Petunia existed because they had been homeschooled. John was very abusive too and it was easier to hide if the girls never went outside. Tonight, Lily had found out Petunia had managed to run away. Lily smiled when she woke up every morning knowing Petunia was much safer than she was with John. He was stronger and even crueler.

Lily knew he was going to come for her when she was older and she would be in horrible danger then. Lily didn't know how she knew but she did. She knew John raped Petunia. She knew that would happen to her if she didn't manage to escape before that time came. Lily thought she still had another couple of years. She was wrong. Her mother had been drinking again and ran into a semi. She died instantly.

John wasted no time and came and got her that day. She tried so hard to hide from him, but he found her. He grabbed her by the shirt collar and dragged her away. "Daddy, please! Don't!" she had cried.

He dragged her to the attic, ignoring her pleads and crying. "Now be a good girl and Daddy is going to be nice," he said as he threw her on the old bed.

Lily struggled but she could not escape. "No. Please stop," she whimpered.

"Stop struggling brat," he said and slapped her. "Now you listen and you listen good. You will do as you are told at all times. You try to run away, I'll kill you and your sister both. I will track you down and get you. Then you will watch as I slowly kill that sister of yours. You breathe a word of this and I'll do the same. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir. I u-understand," she said softly.

Part of Lily died that night as she laid there. She knew that she would have to protect her sister. She had to keep her safe, even if it meant sacrificing her own freedom or life.

Lily learned her rules and when and how to stay out of John's way. She always knew when company would be coming over because John would not hit her in the face or as hard. When there was company she got to sleep in a gorgeous room and eat a good meal. It didn't happen very often though.

Time went on and Lily was growing into a beautiful young woman. John noticed her changes and that she was maturing faster than most girls did. At ten she had started her flow and her body started getting more curves. Her red hair was down to her back and most of it hid her face. She knew after all the abuse she could not be pretty anymore so she never looked in a mirror. She didn't want to know.

The abuse got worse as she got older and he started raping her more and more violently. Lily tried to block it out and go to her own world, but it became harder and harder to do. Lily just wished it would all end soon.

**Sorry to everyone who has been waiting for me to update. Things come up and you kind of forget about some things. Well this was one of them. Since it has been three years since I have even looked at this story, I felt if I was to continue I needed to restart. I am a major critic of my own work and thought that this story needed to be changed a little. Sorry for the wait and I hope you like it. If you prefer the way it was let me know and I will see what I can do. I still have the first three chapters saved. Thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2 Lily's Chance At Freedom

CHAPTER 2. LILY'S CHANCE OF FREEDOM

Lily was allowed to wake up late in the morning because John didn't like to get up either. Lily slowly sat up and stretched, wincing from the pain in her shoulder. John had thrown her against the wall and she managed to catch a sharp corner on the desk. As Lily was stretching, she saw an owl with an envelope in its beak. Lily lifted her hand slowly to pet the owl on the head. The owl dropped the envelope beside her and flew off. Lily looked at and amazingly, it had her name on it.

_Dear Miss. Lily Evans,_

_You have been accepted to Hogwarts of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You must buy your own supplies. Headmaster Dumbledore has written directions below. _

_Sincerely,_

_Minerva_

_McGonagall._

The list of supplies and directions to a place called Diagon Alley was written below.

Lily had been so caught up in reading; she did not notice her father come up. "Give that to me you little bitch." He slapped her across the face. He took the letter from her. He read it. "Looks like I've got no choice, but to send you to Hogwarts. But, if I find out you get a boyfriend, don't come back when allowed, or tell anyone about what happens around here, you will never see your next B-day or your sister again. I know exactly where she is, and I will kill her if you mess up."

Lily stared at her feet. "I won't talk to anyone, Father."

"Good. Go get dressed and then leave for this Diagon Alley place. Here's the money for your supplies."

Lily quickly changed and left. She had only told the people she talked to what they needed to know and looked at no one. She started walking back to the house after getting everything she needed when she ran into a boy. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Watch where you are going, bitch."

Lily just looked at her feet. "I'm extremely sorry."

"Malfoy!" another boy yelled. "Leave her alone. She said she was sorry. I wouldn't even have said sorry to you."

"Stay out of this, Potter."

"Sorry, can't let you be mean to pretty girls. Especially when they have enough manners to say sorry to slime balls like you."

Lily grabbed her stuff and left the two boys. Her red hair was all muddy from falling down in the mud. John would be so mad. "Hey, wait up," a boy shouted. The voice didn't belong to either of the boys that were yelling at each other.

He probably wasn't yelling for her anyway. Like her dad said, "Who would want to talk to you. You are a hideous child that no one wants."

"Hey, wait up. Hey you with the red hair," he shouted again.

_Leave me alone, please. If he finds out he'll kill her._ Lily started running. She swerved through the large crowd of people. When she finally lost the boy, she walked to the house. John told her to go shower. Five minutes later, he pulled her out of the shower and smacked her.

He threw her on his bed and moved his hands over her breasts. Her chest wasn't as flat as it used to be. He smiled at this. He took off his clothes and entered her. Lily stilled and John hit her. "Come on you cold little bitch." John threw her against the wall. He dragged her through the kitchen and threw her down the basement steps. "You can stay down there with the spiders, bitch."

Lily didn't mind the spiders and she didn't fear the dark anymore. "Lord, thank you for getting me out of this place." She lay on the cold floor in the nude as still as possible. She kept whispering to herself, "In two weeks I'll be gone." Brawling, her pet, crawled up beside her as Lily lost consciousness. He was a very poisonous spider that had made a connection with Lily. They could communicate telepathically.

Brawling hated John and wishes he could kill him but for some reason, no spider could get upstairs. They could get outside and into the basement but that was it. All he could do was help Lily when John decided to throw her down in the basement. With his web, Brawling could heal Lily's wounds.

As he studied the bruises he noticed that some blood was on the floor beneath her. Brawling pushed Lily onto her stomach. He saw the glass in her back and tried to pull it out, but was unable to do so. He healed it the best he could, but he knew he shouldn't heal where the glass was till it was out.

At Hogwarts she could get it taken care of. He could go there and protect her, whereas here he could not. Soon she would be safe. Not much could hurt her at Hogwarts.

**How was this chapter? Any better? Let me know and help me with some ideas. Thank you.**


	3. Chapter 3 It's Over

After two weeks of the pain of being thrown in that basement and on all that glass, it was finally time for her to go to Hogwarts. She was up at six so she could leave before John woke up. She knew she would pay for it later, but at that moment she didn't care. She was free for a little while. She snuck out the front door quietly and was on her way. She finally reached the train station and started to look around for her train.

"Nine and three-quarters?" she asked herself aloud. She found nine and ten. "I guess I'll wait for someone to show."

"Hello. Do ye need help? I couldn't help but hear you say nine and three quarters," a man asked.

Lily nodded. She kept her head down. She did notice the owl though.

"Ye off to Hogwarts?"

Lily nodded again.

"Run in between nine and ten. Don't stop. Oh and if ye meet a boy named Sirius Black, give him this." He handed her a book. She took it.

"Yes, sir. Thank you." Lily ran straight to the wall. Next thing she knew, she was standing next to a train. She put her stuff with the others and climbed aboard. She found a compartment that was empty. She sat down and played with Brawling. Brawling lay down beside Lily. She petted him and went to sleep facing the seat. She had always slept better when Brawling was with her. Later on, she was awoken by some boys laughing loudly.

Brawling jumped up onto her back to see if Lily needed protecting. She just realized she was lying on her stomach. Lily winced from all the weight on her back. Brawling didn't weigh very much, but her back was very sore. The boys were silent. They were all staring at Brawling. "Brawling, can you get off my back? Please."

Brawling jumped to the floor, letting Lily sit up. She picked up Brawling again and set him on her lap. She scratched his back, then his stomach when he rolled over. She put him in his little carrier. "If you want we can leave," Lily said.

"No, it's fine," one of the boys said.

"You were here first," another boy said.

"Are any of you Sirius Black or know him?"

"I'm Sirius."

"Someone asked me to give this to you."

"Oh, thanks."

Lily lay back down on her side facing the seat and went to sleep. She eventually rolled on her back and cried out in pain. Brawling pushed hr onto her side. The glass was going deeper. Blood trickled down her back. She was wearing a white shirt too.

"You okay? Why are you bleeding?" a boy asked.

"I'm f-fine."

"No you're not," another said.

"Let us help you." said the other boy.

"No!" she said. "Just leave me be, please," her voice begged.

"Why?"

"You are losing way to much blood."

"No, I'm not," Lily said. "I just want some rest." She lay back on her side.

After a while the train came to a stop. "James, wake her up," the boy with sandy brown hair and grey eyes said.

James, the one with chocolate brown eyes and messy black hair, said, "Alright Remus." He went over to her to shake her awake, but when he touched her he pulled back. She was going cold.

"What's wrong?" a boy with black hair and brown eyes asked.

"She's going cold."

"That isn't good," Remus said. He looked at Peter, a small blue eyed blonde haired boy. "Send a letter to Madam Promfey. Tell her we are bringing a girl up. Have Dumbledore get us there the fastest way possible."

James picked her up. "Holy cow. She can't way more than fifty pounds."

Dumbledore sent a very fast carriage. Two minutes later they were at the castle. When they got there, Dumbledore waited for them. He led them to the Hospital Wing. Madam Promfey took over after that. She was a spunky lady in her mid thirties. She had brown hair and blue eyes. She stood 5'8" and was well tempered. She kicked the guys out and cut her shirt off. She saw the gigantic piece of glass in her back. She quickly removed the glass and bandaged the wound.

Lily started to stir the next afternoon. She groaned. "Child, child, are you okay?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Where am I?"

"Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. Your father sent this letter to you." Lily opened the letter after Madam Promfey left.

Hey bitch,

You failed your sister. She is dead now. I'll deal with you on break. It's your own fault. You and that Potter kid. Have fun while you can. Be prepared for a slow and painful death. Tell them you fell down the stairsand landed on some glass in the basement and you said you were fine to me. You wouldn't let me look. If not you will die slower than I am planning.

John.

Lily held back her tears. "Lily, the Headmaster wishes to speak to you."

"Hello Lily. Feeling better?"

"Yes, sir."

"How did you get these bruises and glass in your back?"

"I fell down the basement stairs. I didn't want to tell John. I was afraid I would bother him. I didn't think it was that bad."

"I see."

"When can I leave Ma'm?"

"Tomorrow," she said.

"Thank you."

"You will do the sorting tonight. I'll get your friends to help you. No argument. They save your life Ms. Evans."

_Yeah but, in doing so, they caused the death of my only reason for living. _"Thank you, sir."

The four boys came in later on. "Hi ya, Lily. Good to see you're doing better," James said.

"Yeah, thanks," Lily said. "I never did catch your names."

"Oh, sorry. I'm James Potter."

"Peter Petegrew."

"Remus Lupin."

"Sirius Black."

"Nice to meet you. Now if you don't mind, I would like to get this sorting over with." They helped Lily get to the sorting. McGonagall put a patchy old hat on Lily's tried to get through a locked door in her head. Lily frowned as he opened it a little bit. 'Don't,' she said in her head.

'Very well Ms. Evans. What house would you like to be in.'

'I don't care.'

'Okay.' "Gryffindor!"

"Alright Lils. You're with us," James shouted.

"Yeah!"Sirius said. They started to take her back to the hospital wing. "So Lily, why won't you look at us?" Sirius asked her.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"We don't know what your eye color is," James said.

"Why should that matter?" Lily asked.

"We've never seen your face," Remus said.

That'd make five of us. "I find it strange to stare people in the eye," Lily lied coldly. They walked into the hospital wing.

"You hide your face behind your hair," James said. "Why?"

"None of your business," Lily snapped. James put a hand on Lily's shoulder. Lily tensed and said, trying to keep the fear out of her voice, "Don't touch me."

"Lily-" James started.

"Go away and leave me alone, please," Lily begged. Before James left he could swear he heard Lily say, "Why couldn't you just left me to die, James. Now I have finished myself off."


	4. Chapter 4 The Plan

Hi everyone. I am trying to update the best I can but I don't have much time on my hands. I am going to college fulltime and I have a fulltime job that has been making me work six days a week. So forgive me if I don't update often enough. I don't own any of the characters, I only wish. If you have any advice on where to go in my story or things you want to see let me know and I'll try and get them in. No flames. I will ignore them and probably do everything I can to irritate you. Thanks and enjoy.

James was sitting on his bed and thinking about what Lily had said. Why would she have to finish herself off? What is it that is bothering her? She seemed so upset about something. No one could be sad at Hogwarts. This was freedom. These are the best years of anyone's life.

James turned to Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Remus was reading while Sirius and Peter were playing a game. James said, "Guys, we need to do something about Lily. Something is really bothering her. And no it's not just girl problems, Sirius."

Sirius shut his mouth and tried to look thoughtful. Then he said, "James, she is a girl so all of her problems would be girl problems."

James threw a pillow at him. "Sirius, I'm not joking around. We have to help her. We have to figure out what is so wrong with her life that she has to finish herself off for."

"Let's go see her," Peter suggested. "If we talk to her and hang out with her she'll open up more."

"That is a good idea Peter," Remus said. "Let's go guys." They all walked toward the hospital wing. When they got there Lily was gone. Madam Promfey was searching around when she saw them.

"Have you boys seen Miss Evans?"

They shook their heads. "No, ma'm. We will help you look though," James said and ran off to the boy's dorms. The other boy's followed suit. When they got there, James grabbed an old piece of parchment. He opened it. It was a map of the castle with the names of everyone moving around. They saw Lily's and rushed to where she was at.

Lily walked down the hallway and up a bunch of moving stairs. Not really paying attention, hoping she would fall and die quickly. She made it up to the top of the astronomy tower. For a few minutes she just stared up at the sky, looking at the stars and feeling so alone. She sat their thinking of her time with her sister when things were good. When they were together they could help each other out and bandage each other's wounds. They had someone to talk to and play with. Even with all the abuse, they had some happiness. They even shared the same dreams at night when they had a family that loved them. A beautiful woman with red hair and brown eyes and a man with brown hair and green eyes would hold Lily's and Petunia's hand and run through wild flowers and play and be happy. But it was only a dream.

Lily looked at the stars on last time as she stood up. She walked over to the ledge and climbed up on it. "I'm coming to join you Petunia. We'll be together again."

"Lily, don't do it! Don't jump!" James yelled as he ran through the door. "We can help you."

"No you can't. You ruined everything. I don't have anything to live for anymore," Lily said with no emotion in her voice. "My sister is dead because you saved my worthless life. My sister was all I had left and now she is gone."

"How do you know that?" James asked.

"He said he did it. He said he killed her."

"Who said it? How do you know he did it? How could he do it in so short time? Tell Dumbledore. There is a chance if she is alive you can save her by telling him but you have to do it now. Please Lily. If you love her give her the chance that she is alive."

Lily turned and looked at James. _Is what he is saying true? Can she still be alive? What do I have to lose by trying? I can still save her. _ Lily stepped down from the ledge as the other boys ran in.

"Damn James, you are way too fast," Sirius said. Sirius looked up in shock as Lily stepped down from the ledge. _She was going to jump? James was right? Holy shit!_

"Let's go talk to Dumbledore, Lily." James grabbed her hand and they hurried out the downstairs.

Sirius gave a big sigh and they took off after them.

"Professor! We need to speak to you immediately!" James yelled when he saw Dumbledore.

"Good. I see you found Lily. I thought you would. Let's go to my office then." Dumbledore grabbed James's hand and they were disappearing just as Sirius and Remus rounded the corner. (Peter was left on the tower gasping for air. MUhahahhaha)

"I give up. James has this all taken care of. Let's go rest, Remus," Sirius said between breaths.

"I agree," was the reply.

**Okay sorry this took so long and is still short but I have been sick off and on for the past month, lots of homework to do, and I have been working six days a week and at least eight hours a day if not more. I'll be able to update sooner if people would quit ordering windows. **

**Anyway, tell me what you think. Looking for more ideas it anyone is willing to share. I think I might be moving a little fast with Lily and James so my plan is to…….You'll find out. Muhahahah! Sorry. I love being cruel. I was going to stop when Lily was on the ledge but that would have made the chapter to short so… yeah. **

**Review please. Tell me what's good and what needs improvement. Thanks**


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